Wallah, if you’re lucky enough to find true love in just one person after having rummaged half the world across and after scoring a few grey hair in your pony, don’t think it’s the end of the problem. Well, other than the case where you might want to be in more than just in a live-in relationship or a secret affair, and hoping to walk down the isle with the love of your life, expect an array of non-ending stumps and bumps down the road.
And who would make sure, you ride this roller-coaster? Parents- not the girl’s, Guy’s. Girl’s parents happen to be a much milder version of any potential problem on the roar; it’s usually the guy’s mother,- the eternal villain in the love triangle of Girl-Guy and Guy’s mother. Top it with cheese, if she happens to be the gharelo-jhagralo sort, she finds her enemy-radar shifted from her susralis to evergreen Dushman to be- her son’s girl.
And even after she has apparently given up her resolve to never let her son marry the one he loves, she just keeps on trying and trying and….But before you could even experience a brief respite, brace yourself to listen to the nine stereotype dialogues you and your dude would just have to hear.
1. Uff..The girl swept my boy away:
Black Magic, Vodoo dolls or adabra cadabra- you’re the girl with a brewing cauldron and the broomstick! And in no time, you can officially become the trigger for another series of witch trials. Her son, her very innocent son, who she had brainwashed to like only her right from his childhood can only fall in love with a witch. How else could you explain him hankering after the girl and lavishing his attention, that are purely and supremely the mother’s! No way! Be ready if you see your man wearing a talisman on your next meet-up, and don’t be surprised- it’s to ward you off.
2. I could get him way better girls than this one
And once it’s proven that it is biologically and psychologically possible that he has cut the umbilical chord to tie a nuptial knot, it worries the poor mother how this ugly-duckling be her son’s choice. “You’re so handsome and so smart, and for you I can get you the prettiest and youngest girls ever known to world, if you could only let go of this “shame-on-girlhood”. Yeah right, that sounds more pimpy than motherly. Trust me, she’ll see a monster in any potential lover you might ever have. And for the young part- either she thinks her boy’s still playing in his cradle or perhaps he’s a pervert and after high-school girls.
3. My boy’s too pricy:
Any MBA from IBA or even from Allama Iqbal Open University has his “rate” way higher than what any middle-class girl could ever afford. Yeah- how much could he possibly bag in the free market? Cars, bungalows, loadsa money and not to forget the green jail card! (With his high-rates, he could only be bagged as a call boy, nothing more) Haha. Well, that’s why they say; guy’s mothers are usually excellent businesswomen. Who else could trade her son for material wealth and prosperity?
4. Girl’s mother’s cleverer than a witch:
Yeah, this one is a hit formula. Despite the fact that she might herself be a full-blown b****, she fears a witch, middle name for the girl’s mother. The mother-daughter wicked duo that laid one fine trap for her son and would soon lure away whatever little’s left of him now, and so needs to be exorcized so her and her son’s life to be purged of a curse forever. She’d make up things on her behalf, cry some fake tears and would lie incessantly just to prove how she has been disrespected and demeaned by the girl’s mother. Oh poor she, she’s as innocuous as a bat. Lol
5. She’s a girl with a head? How could she be the perfect bahu?:
In case a girl is more than just a declared playmate; a box of make up or a perky, pretty face, and has got brains and acumen in that usually otherwise vacant-skull, she’s in a big problem. Her every word would be twisted and perverse other way round, her educated opinion would be taken for disrespect and her frankness becomes her over-modernity. A perfect prospective bahu is a dumb, deaf and blind vessel, who doesn’t show any human colors until after the wedding night.
6. My boy always take her side:
And when the guy tries to tell his mommy that his girl’s more than an average dumbster and that the girl’s mother does not come from a line of dark witches, she taps her head hard and cries how you always take the girl’s side now. A guy torn between a overly-demanding mother and a humiliated lover is simply a chewing gum that gets stretched until it breaks down.
7. My Son has changed!:
The above is followed by a you-have-changed rant. Of course, he’s no longer a breast-fed, chuckling infant and has a girl he sees his future and present with, in his life. Only a stone wouldn’t change. But for every mood swing he has- a trigger for it would be herself only, the blame comes on the girl. She’s responsible for turning a toddler into beast; and must be cursed and puked upon.
8. Do whatever you want to, I’m dying soon anyway:
Ultimate blackmail and by the way it always works. A desperate mother is the best manipulator. She has manipulated her sons all her life and here’s the final stroke. Some would go to as much as a fake, pseudo illness, one in which she might will against her son’s marriage with the girl. If son needs his mother alive, he better be her puppy or else…
9. You Guys will never be happy ever-after:
Oh no. In the end, if none of her pervert reasons and tactics work on the girl she’ll give her son the mother’s curse- the deadliest weapon against son. “ If a mother’s not happy with her son, he shall never prosper”. It’s more of an angry greek god speaking than a mother, her words reflect divine judgment and doom. Well the truth is, she’s one desperate woman, who’d go to whatever extent it takes to do the duo apart.
In the end, you can be sure; a son’s mother is another specie walking on the face of earth like a human. If sons can have Oedipus complex, their mothers have female version of it (don’t know how Freud missed a name for that). Especially for mothers in sub-continent, sons are more lovers than sons, and love marriage calls for a marathon between the same sexes that end up in the destruction of the other sex- Man!