Why Love Dies?


Why Love Dies?

I often find myself struggling with the question as to what causes the most paramount emotion-love to die, and resentment to take over. What causes the best feeling in the world to turn into an ugly abyss that consumes one from within?

 
Our loved ones suddenly become the ‘wrong people” without whom life would be so much better. Maybe the answers lie in the way we approach our relationships. Before we even know it, love gets buried under the enormous heap of expectations.

 
In the beginning, we are giving attention and love, unconditionally, without asking for anything at all. The reward lies in the act itself. We are happy and perfectly contented. However, as the time progresses, people around us, who wish us all-too-well, start imploring us to push for things that ‘they think’ would make us happy. We are asked questions like, “how could you be happy like this?” “Come on! Expectations are natural. How can you expect nothing in return?” The world tells you how things should be completely oblivious to fact that God has made us in His image and likeness, and blessed us with an enormous capacity to give.

 
From that point on, we start to recount in our mind all the good things we have done for our loved ones for which it seemed that we were not appreciated. Hence, our minds become caught up in grave injustices that have been done to us. We start to lose sleep and our much-cherished peace of mind. At that point, we have crowned our loved ones the authors of our happiness; the writers of our life scripts.

 
From that moment on, we become caught up in the struggle for control. We stop doing the things that once made us happy. We stop focusing on our selves, and start giving them exclusive attention.  The acts that were once performed for our loved ones as a way to show our love, now become motivated by a need to control – out of fear, not out of love. With their inherent value forgotten, they are carried out as means to an end.

 

 

The goal in this case is our happiness, which we hope to receive if our loved ones act in a certain way. They are done hoping to receive paybacks. It kills our freedom and also the relationship. The things that made us fall in love with them become a sore point for us. We stop appreciating them for the people that they are, and want them to become exactly as we want them to. After all, our happiness depends on them so there is absolutely no room for divergence from our  predefined set of acceptable behaviours whatsoever.

 

 

Our loved ones are able to sense this shift in our motives. They then start to feel suffocated by our constant attention and gestures of affection. They also come to realize that we have made them the authors of our happiness. This burden is too much for them to carry so they start to turn away from us. They don’t give up without trying though.

 

 

But as we are keeping tabs on everything that they do, they don’t know which one of their mistakes would be termed as a sin, and this fear makes them distance themselves from us. This distance could be physical and/or mental. Then, bitterness sets in. Ironically we lose all our affection for our loved ones just because they do not fit into our ideas of how they should be or act. Too much for true love.

 

 

If you find yourself struggling with your relationships, enlist the conditions and expectation you have come to associate with them. Write them all on a paper. You will have a good laugh about some of them. You will be amused by the nonsensical nature of these demands.  You have to do away with them, and learn to give without expectations. You need to stop living in fear of losing your loved ones as this is the only thing that would drive them away.

 
This means that you have to take responsibility for your happiness and accept the status of the other party as a human, who can and will err. In short, you must learn to love unconditionally because it is only the form of love that lasts.



Sahrish Ahmad

A blogger for The News/Geo blogs


  • Anonymous

    “God has made us in His image and likeness” – in terms of religious doctrine, this may be the proposition with modern Christianity but not The Quran and Islamic view (man of clay). In any case why even bring in an explantion which distorts the spiritual in order to explain the physical. Aristotlelian explantion perhaps?!

    Perhps a simpler scientific outlook:

    http://www.youramazingbrain.org.uk/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

    • NASAH (USA)

      “”God has made us in His image and likeness” — Qalim sb I consider that Christian statement about God as blasphemy against God — after what HIS children have done to each other and to others on HIS earth.

      • Anonymous

        Anthropomorphism is what Islam was supposed to rid the humans of – NASAh Sb. I guess the leaders who wanted to promote their own ‘devine right’ to rule, did not want that and reason became (and remains so with the theologians) a crime!

  • NASAH (USA)

    May be that is why MEN love bitches? Not my idea the title of a column nearby.

    • Anonymous

      Dogs (and by extension) bitches are supposed to be the loyal friend for life – perhaps all this bad publicity against the ‘man’s best friend’ is funded by the selfish cats!

      • Farooq Hashmi

        Mr.Qalim,Sometimes dogs and bitches are of a shape different from the one the Nature has given them. Dogs and bitches of what shape are you referring to,Sir ?

        • Anonymous

          Hashmi Sb

          I speak on behalf of the quadroped subspecies Canis lupus familiaris, offended that humans use the common term used to refer to them, when derogating and sniping at each other, when the dogs have been the humans’ best and loyal friend (as confirmed in Sura Al-Kahf).

          The high council of dogs (and bitches) is currently pondering over how to shame the members of the Canine community going astray from their noble path and one suggestion is to call these lost heads humans.

          • Farooq Hashmi

            A beautiful and and truthful explanation by Mr.Qalim in apology for the quadruped dogs !

          • NASAH (USA)

            Then why the Muslim clergy hates dogs.

          • Anonymous

            Exactly my question NASAH Sb – it could be jealousy….

  • Anonymous

    NASAH Sb

    I guess you did not learn your lesson the first time round and finally see the light too – I don’t feel so alone now. You may need an orthodontist after your multiple waltz with orthodoxy but I guess its worth it.

    Anyway, if the current TV programs are anything to go by, you are likely to get your wish(es) granted – just attent Dr Amir Liaquat’s program and you may leave with a new wife as the prize!

  • Anonymous

    Hashmi Sb

    Standing agape is hetrodoxy….

  • Anonymous

    Hashmi Sb

    I can just visualise and taste (my own mouth agape at the thought) those delectable creations in your kitchen.

    Aghast as I was at his disclosure too, in the same vein as NASAH Sb – vexing us with his ‘thought’ frolics as he often does – I was tempted to refer to #2 definition you note above.

    Wishing you all the joys of Eid-ul-Fitr.

    • M.Saeed

      Let me remind that, according to the information provided by NASAH Sb. himself on these pages about 2 years back, he is the son and genetic continuity of “Maulana Ismail Wahshi”, the illustrious columnist, satirist and writer of the famous newspaper ZAMINDAR Lahore of the 30′s. So, he is having definite genes of orthodox Muslim ingrained in him, even if clouded in his conscientious efforts for their extermination.

      • Anonymous

        With apologies in advance and all affection, I dare to rephrase ‘…..definite genes oforthodox Muslim (satirist) ingrained in him’ with tge emphasis on ‘satirist’!

      • Anonymous

        Saeed Sb

        NASAH Sb’s reply (and your post on another blog about genetic orientation of some leaders) appears to indicate that with some real education and personal effort, one can overcome much of ‘hasb and nasb’ handicaps. Else an untouchable is somehow being justified and would stay an untouchable for eternity! Can we explain handicaps created by chance and society, in terms of genetics?!

        • NASAH (USA)

          Qalim sb — everything in Universe including the Universe itself — is an accident and an imperfection. A ‘perfect’ universe could not exist as a universe in equal amounts of matter and antimatter — the two in equal amounts — would have annihilated each other with zero universe. It was the inequality between the two that let a small portion of the big bang change into a particulate universe.

          Now the current cosmology tells us — that it is no longer a UNI-VERSE — it is a MULTI-VERSE that we live in — like a Schrodinger’s cat in a box in various stages between life and death — we live in a multiverse as — multiple copies of us — on multiple parallel universes — with ALL those CHOICES that we did NOT make – in this universe of ours.

          Very simple!

          • Anonymous

            …..so are you now confirming there are some GOOD Taliban out there on one of the multiverses NASAH Sb?

          • NASAH (USA)

            Indeed Qalim sb — after all the Talibans are human beings — some GOOD ones must be living in parallel universes as plastic surgeons sewing back the slit throats without a surgical scar — and as micro surgeons transplanting back the decapitated heads of the innocent men women and children back on their necks.

          • Gohar

            In Science, what is true today may be the opposite thing tomorrow unlike religion of truth – Islam, so I don’t believe in uni or muli-verses …but only the true verses of holy quran…

          • NASAH (USA)

            The Universe and the Multiverse will surely miss your approval Gohar sb — but great line anyway — ” I don’t believe in uni or muli-verses …but only the true verses of holy quran.”

            If I may — as a GOOD Muslim that you surely are — please try to use the capital Q for the holy Quran as a mark of respect!

          • S Nasrullah

            NASAH is a self opinionated person and his jibes should not be taken too seriously. What the Quran said Fourteen Centuries ago, not a word has been challenged or contradicted. God made a PERFECT Universe and the tainted minds of evolving thinkers have attempted to theorize the many unknown phenomenon on the basis of the known ones. Indeed, the Quran spurs its followers to explore, to discover, to unravel the mysteries through the faculties of reason and logic – the Brain – that God bestowed on human beings.

          • Anonymous

            Nasrullah Sb, Gohar Sb

            How is NASAH Sb’s comment in contradiction to the one in the Quran – The Creator of ‘heavens (note the plural) and earth’ [7:54, 57:1, 64:1 and more] and the Lord of Easts and Wests (note te plurals again) [55:17] and the Expander of the universe [51:47]

          • NASAH (USA)

            There it is another evidence of the Big Bang expansion by inflation theory in the holy Quran — “and the Expander of the universe [51:47]” — for another science sermon by our Nasrullah sahib – next Friday.

          • Gohar

            Qalim Sb,

            I don’t see any of the NASAH Sb’s comments here in refer to what you mentioned above. If possible can you paste his contradictory remarks here again ? Thanks

          • Anonymous

            Gohar Sb

            A general observation about what NASAH Sb has posted here and what Nasrullah Sb and you have. I am curious as to how NASAH Sb observations about the universe vary from Quranic verses noted above.

  • Anonymous

    NASAH Sb

    ‘…..unaffordable all at once–’ Now you tell us.

    Notwithstanding the fact that number of 4 is not an obligation but an option (perhaps based on afforadability), and there being no ban on women working, an enterprising gent can utilise the quartet quite usefully, if he chooses the right ones or marry rich ones to start with!

    On a serious note, don’t you think the option is preferable to having numerous misteresses?!

  • Anonymous

    On the hand hand Sub-prime credit and massive ‘consumerism’, are the elements which got us to ‘these hard times’. As the mothers of old used to inculcate about saving (youself) for the rainy/(right person) day…..!

  • Anonymous

    Shajrey se shajre-e-mamnooa tak….the travelogue will be an inspiration to many aspiring….NASAH Sb.

    • S Nasrullah

      Qalim Sb

      Real poetry in prose. I enjoyed the alliteration of “Shajrey” the lineage to “Shajre-mamnooa” the ” Forbidden Tree”.

      For NASAH: “janta hoon sawab-e-Ta’at -o- zuHad …. Pur TabeeAt Udhar nahin Aatee”.

      The renowned Obstetrician of New York, who researched the formation of the Foetus in the Womb having done hundreds of successful operations, came upon the Holy Quran, by chance and read what his Muslim counterpart had recommended about childbirth details in it. He was astonished that the Quran narrated in brevity what the volumes of explanations couldn’t justify on the basis of conjunctures. The Doctor embraced Islam stating that the Book contained the knowledge Fourteen centuries ago that the Modern science has been laboriously struggling to discover. His negative orientations did what NASAH confessed ” Science and medicine were my undoings – the mutations that ruined my orthodoxy for all time to come”.

      • Gohar

        Nice example Mr. S Nasrullah.. about how ‘Unorthodox behavior’ can be surmounted by pondering the Quran over & over again.

      • NASAH (USA)

        “”janta hoon sawab-e-Ta’at -o- zuHad …. Pur TabeeAt Udhar nahin Aatee”.

        Nasrullah sb — where did you get this couplet of Ghalib — I never saw it — is it part of the ghazal — “koee surat nazar nahiN aatee/koee ummeed bur nahin aatee”

        What a precious thought — and what a simple language — pur tabeeut udhar nahiN aatee — such a great sense of humor Ghalib had!

        Thanks — I owe you one.

        • S Nasrullah

          NASAH Sb

          You’re right. The gem of a Ghazal from Ghalib the Great starts with:
          koi ummeed bur nahiN aatee
          koi soorat nazar nahiN aatee
          MauT ka ek din MoYYen hai
          NeenD Raat bhar kyon naHI aatee
          A’agay aatee tHI HaaL-e-DiL pe haNsi
          Ab kisi baat pe nahiN aatee
          Kaa’ba kis mounH se jaoogey Ghalib
          Sharam tumko magar nahiN aatee.

          Knowing your eminent and refined taste for Literature, you’d surely love this diamond studded Ghazal from the Master poet – Ghalib

    • Farooq Hashmi

      Yeah, Mr. Qalim. shajrey-se-’sajrey’-se-’sajrey’-shajre-e-mamnooa tak !

  • Jamal

    Raj Bhai, don’t you see the different physical needs of men in comparison to women? Woman can stay with a single man whole of her life while the vice versa may not be true for a man. Also, there is another wisdom from Allah (swt) for not allowing women to marry to other men, being in marriage with multiple husbands who will claim to be a father of a child she will bore ? All people are equal in the sight of Allah (swt) but those who believe in only one God i.e Allah (swt) and do good deeds will have greater rewards if not in this short-lived world but hereafter forever life. May Allah (swt) bless you the treasure of His bounty i.e Imaan (to believe truly in ONE God) – ameen.

    • NASAH (USA)

      “but those who believe in only one God i.e Allah (swt) and do good deeds will have greater rewards if not in this short-lived world but hereafter forever life. May Allah (swt) bless you the treasure of His bounty i.e Imaan (to believe truly in ONE God)”.

      Maulana Gohar sahib — it is NOT that polytheism of brother Raj Chauhan is less rational than our monotheism of one God — that he should have your true Imaan and believe in your “truly” one God.

      Speaking in strict philosophical terms — ONE unseen God controlling everything in the entire universe is MORE irrational — than a committee of gods assigned different duties and jobs reporting to the Supreme Brahmma – the creator of the Universe or Multiverse – is.

      Like the different organs of our bodies doing their organ-specific jobs to keep us alive as ONE.

      In fact Mr. Raj Chauhan’s may say that Monotheism may be called — “the one God dictatorship” — whereas Polytheism as an ‘anjuman’ of gods sharing the duties is more democratic more natural.

      And that is what may be Mr. Chauhan’s true Imaan. And who are we to question that?

      • M.Saeed

        Very good reverse osmosis honest to your name NASAH Sb!

      • Gohar

        /* Speaking in strict philosophical terms — ONE unseen God controlling everything in the entire universe is MORE irrational — than a committee of gods assigned different duties and jobs reporting to the Supreme Brahmma */

        Mr. NASAH – you are mixing ‘control’ with ‘serve’ – Don’t you know that even in the smallest or biggest of the companies there is only ONE individual who controls and others are there to serve that ONE individual ….the committee of gods you are referring are actually the angels ‘serving’ that ONE God who is ‘controlling’ whole of your uni-multi verses as Allah (swt) Himself said in quran…

        Al-Quran (21:22):
        “If there were in the heavens and the earth, other gods besides Allah, there would have been ruin in both! But glory to Allah the Lord of the Throne: (High is He) above what they attribute to Him”

    • Raj Chouhan

      Gohar Bhai, I always believe there is only one supreme power who is managing the entire Universe which is addressed by different names, some calls it Allah some Jesus some Bhagwan.and some by any other name but the power is one God is one that is why I always advocate to respect each and every religion which conveys the message of that supreme power to spread the love , harmony and peace on his Earth.

      • Gohar

        “every religion which conveys the message of that supreme power to spread the love , harmony and peace on his Earth..”

        Also please include ‘justice’ in the list of love, harmony and peace….

  • Anonymous

    Suffering from the same affliction that ails and heals you NASAH Sb, those damn sciences often cause the ‘devil’s advocate’ syndrome – would a conclusion arrived at by doubting much about economic theory, of responsibe consumerism be a reasonable compromise? Ironic hiw ‘cosumption’ use to be something to fear not too far back and today the word describes the world’s progress!

  • Gohar

    Also mention that Hazrat Adam (as) asked forgiveness that is why you are having fun being on internet ..but you know it is a very short-lived life for every ‘funkaar’ so are us…

  • Gohar

    I respect you just b/c of your father & grand-father ..

    • Raj Chouhan

      Gohar Bhai, Dr NASAH is a symbol of humanity, to understand him pl. read him through soul and not through brain/heart/eyes.

      • NASAH (USA)

        Raj sahib — are you Gohar Bhai’s friend or his foe — please tell your Gohar Bhai to read me with his open brain and his open eyes — not with his feeble heart or his shrinking soul.

    • Anonymous

      Is that not a feudalistic/nepotistiv mindset- Muslims are to be held accountable for their own deeds I thought!

      • Gohar

        As any other person in this world I have my own imperfections.. you can call me here a bit ‘unorthodox’..

        • NASAH (USA)

          Gohar sahib — you stay another six months in our company on the NEWS blog — with Qalim sb, Hashmi sb, Saeed sb and scientist Nasrullah sahib — and we will make you — from a “bit unorthodox” — to ‘perfectly’ unorthodox.

          • Anonymous

            ‘–and we will make you — from a “bit unorthodox” — to ‘perfectly’ unorthodox’ —-we have the technlogy!
            6 months may be long (and without 6 million rupees to speed up any) – but any earlier, there is a danger of turning to an ‘ox’ !

  • Farooq Hashmi

    As far as my limited knowledge goes, there is no specific word with the meaning of ” love of Hindus for human beings.” However, Ahimsa_______ non-injury to living-beings______is the cardinal virtue of Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism. The tenet of ‘ahimsa’ is based on the pantheistic concept that the divine spiritual energy is diffused throughout the entire matter____both animate and inanimate______of the unique Universe, meaning thereby to hurt another-being is to hurt oneself.

  • Farooq Hashmi

    Four wives is the bonus on seventy hooris a man will get in paradise provided that he leads his worldly life on the path of piety. In his mundane life and in the hereafter, he will get seventy-four wives altogether.But what will a pious woman get in paradise? To find out an answer to that question,my mind is straying into the forbidden lands.

    • Gohar

      Not everything is exposed by Allah (swt) – No one knows what the land of paradise be like …Allah (swt) had just given a glimpse by citing very few examples in hadiths and quran out of His unlimited bounties ..who knows a pious man having ‘forever’ life would have 70000 hoors and a pious woman having ‘forever’ life would have 70000 husbands or may be more….in the unlimited cosmos of Allah (swt) everything is possible ….

      • NASAH (USA)

        “But what will a pious woman get in paradise?”

        To a qualitative superb question posed by Farooq Hashmi sahib — — Gohar sahib, you have given a quantitatively deep answer:

        “a pious woman having ‘forever’ life would have 70000 husbands or may be more….in the unlimited cosmos of Allah (swt) everything is possible”

        Do you think the women on the blog will feel reassured now for their afterlife?

  • Farooq Hashmi

    Dr. NASAH, I hold you in a lot of, a lot of regard for your a lot of, a lot of intellect.

    • NASAH (USA)

      The feeling is mutual Hashmi Sb.

      • Anonymous

        Gentlemen,

        Going through te debate here, I am reminded of a book from 20 years ago – Julian Barnes’s History of the World in 10 1/2 weeks. You may enjoy reading it too.

  • M.Saeed

    The reason for allowing 4 wives is very simple. Islam makes Nikah easy and adultery or promiscuity out of all bounds. But, mind it 4 wives are allowed with very strict condition with a stern warning from Allah (SWT) saying that, you know you cannot fulfill the conditions.

    About 4 husbands for a wife, you better than me that, five sons of Pandu were married to the same woman, Draupadi.

  • Gohar

    …that’s why Allah (swt) prohibited alcohol in the first place …otherwise mohatarram mirza ghalib would not have said like this …

    • M.Saeed

      Ghalib had himself accepted that, he was “Aadha Musalman”. He clarified that, “Sharrab paita hounN per “—-” nahuiN khata!

    • NASAH (USA)

      But did you know that Allah allowed the body to make pure alcohol (ETOH) in copious amounts — as one of the products of carbohydrate digestion — that makes us a little drunk and sleepy after a hefty sugar rich meal — besides releasing the sleep inducing amino acid tryptophan from the ingested food.

      May be that’s why Allah banned the external ingestion of alcohol — or did HE really ban alcohol?

      • Anonymous

        With many a fungi too having evolved very well, exess sugar consumptions sholud turn us ino a distillary if we survive long enough!

        NASAH Sb as you know, no ‘forbidding’ (like for the pig) term is used when referring to alcohol in Quran (Al Baqara, Al Nisa, Al Maida) – more an advisory that losses from it far exceed the benefits – a but like excess sugar – sugesstion appears to be to avoid it.

    • NASAH (USA)

      So you wanted me and Nasrullah sahib to be deprived of those precious couplets of Mirza Ghalib sahib — “Jantaa hoon sawab-e taaut-o zuhd….pur tabeeut udhar nahiN aatee”?

  • Anonymous

    Making REASON a crime is blasphemy in my reasoning…

  • Anonymous

    NASAH Sb, Hashmi Sb

    Your explantion below about Hinduism as a faith – Supreme Brahmma (and iin principle Hindu monotheism which most Muslims fail to recognise) and Ahimsa – serves to educate and understand the faith and hopefully makes the distinction between the faith’s message and some of its followers’ practices. With our prejudiced eyes, we have a habit of judging the whole lot based on the deeds of a few.

    • Farooq Hashmi

      I fully endorse your views, Sir. If you happen to read Mr. Nehal Singh’s translation of Swami Dayananda Sarsawati’s exegesis of the Rig Veda, you will notice that it preaches monotheism through out its text, and deprecates idolatry in its every form.While it professes that Permayshwara( God) is the Supreme Power which controls the Universe, the Rig Veda deprecates idolatry in the clearest term of the word. In addition, the Swami declares immersion of oneself in the Ganges or the Jamuna for ‘moksh’( salvation?) as a downright innovation in the faith.Originally, Hindus were essentially, monotheists,and were called the ‘Vedantists’______the believers in the Vedas.The four Vedas______(1) the Rig Veda(2)the Yajar Veda(3) the Sam Veda and(4) the Uthher Veda,are believed to be the word of the Omnipotent,Permayshwara(God).The word ‘Hindu’, a derivative of ‘Sindhu’, came into the history of Hinduism at a much later stage.Thus,Swami Dayananda Sarsawasti’s devotees______Arya Samajis_____believe in the Unity of God.

    • NASAH (USA)

      Qalim sb — now we know what a “khar dimaagh” ignorant literalist Mahmood

      Ghaznavi was — and because of the limited knowledge of Hindu shashtra those how many Hindu hearts he broke besides destroying pieces of precious Indus arts and architecture.

  • Anonymous

    NASAH Sb

    Would an asset like a slave (allowed as far as I understand) not be a better investment in economic term than a expense causing liability of 4 begums ?

    • NASAH (USA)

      4 slaves are always better than one – Qalim sb.

      • Anonymous

        ….more likely a slave to 4 – even Muslim women today may not be that subserviant as they are painted out to be!

  • Farooq Hashmi

    Dear Mr.Raj Chouhan, a few years ago, you had made a mention of your late father. But in your latter posts you had never mentioned that he had passed away. May his Atma rest in eternal peace in the Swarg!

    • Raj Chouhan

      Yes, my dear friend we lost him on Jan,07 of this year, he was 89 yrs of age and was a highly disciplined, teetotaler, jolly natured, intelligent, peace loving human being. He was the believer of every faith/religion and taught us to celebrate every festivals and occasions of others like of our own. He had massive heart attack in the morning on that day, luckily my whole family was with him and he passed away quietly, peacefully on my lap staring in my eyes conveying his last message to keep forward the teachings of him in the society. Hashmi Bhai it was a great loss particularly to me. I have lost a great father/friend/adviser/mentor and above all a great human being. May God bless him peace and strength to us to carry forward his teachings in the society.

      Thanks Hashmi Bhai for the condolences. Love to you all.

      • M.Saeed

        I am deeply sorry for your loss Raj ji. Not long ago in one of my reply posts to your’s, I wanted to remind you for consulting your father because, according to one of your statements (in Aman ki Asha) he used to read my comments with interest. But, I just stopped short of it, perhaps on some premonition. Definitely, he lived a life well spent with caring generations that he left behind to carry-on his legacies forward and to continue praying for hisadvancements in the life hereafter. Being an important part of this august fraternity, you are in our hearts for being a good human-being.

        • Raj Chouhan

          Respected Saeed Sir,

          Thanks for your condolences Sir, my father was fond of your posts, as his eye sight had gone quite weak so he often used to ask me to take out prints in bigger fond of some of yours, Qalim, NASAH, Nasrullah, Hashmi, Taj Sbs post and used to enjoy a lot after reading them. Once after reading one of Taj Bhai’s post he laughed a lot and said that Taj is a very humble and innocent human being with a clean soul. He asked me to always address you with Sir, once he told me after reading one of your post that you are from a civil service or from a very high background with a deep knowledge of your religion.

          He lived in Lahore only for 3 Yrs from 1943 to 1946 when he started his career in Indian Royal Army, that was his first posting there. He could not forget that period in his entire life time. When ever he used to remember Lahore he always used to address it as MY Lahore. He had always considered us countries as brotherly countries and was very optimistic that one day would come when there would be no enmity and hatred among us. This is also my wish and dream. May God bring that day earliest at least before I depart from this world. I just want peace peace and only peace not only in our countries but in entire world. AMEEN

          Today is our Independence day and yesterday was of yours. Happy Independence day to you all from all of us.

          • NASAH (USA)

            “Today is our Independence day and yesterday was of yours.”

            I agree with you — Pakistan’s belongs to yesterday

          • Gohar

            Sorry to hear about your father and good to know that he was a gentleman …

          • M.Saeed

            Thanks Raj Ji,
            I am amazed to know how correct your father’s observation was! Obviously, he was a very keen observer.

            My grand-father was on Editorial Board of the famous “Paisa Akhbar” of Lahore, while my father was an ICS officer before partition and a top civil servant in Pakistan. My maternal grand father was a “Superintendent” in the Viceroy’s office. Myself, I am a technocrat with engineering and CSS, the Pakistani equivalent of ICS.

      • NASAH (USA)

        Sorry to hear your father passed away — I know how heart wrenching this experience must be for you — my heartfelt condolence for you. You are very dear to all of us here on this blog and we all share your grief. I had a death in my family this years as well. It is a terrible feeling losing one of your dearest one. May your father soul rest in peace.

  • S Nasrullah

    Ghalib was too modest and magnanimous a person to use first person “mujh ko” he used instead “hum ko”
    hum ko maaloom hai JannaT ki haQQiQat lekin
    dil ke BeHlane ko Ghalib yeh KhaYal accha hai

    • NASAH (USA)

      Actually in the Zabaan of Lucknow and Dilli royalty — ‘Hum’ was considered more imperial covering the ownership of entire country — than the ordinary man’s ‘mujh’ – I guess a difference of regional interpretations.

      • Anonymous

        ‘Hum’— the ‘Royal We’ as Hashmi Sb may confirm – although disappearing from current formal Urdu, can still be heard amongst the original migrants (fewer surviving now) from Dilli or Lukhnow to Pakistan.

        • Farooq Hashmi

          Yes Sir, for instance,the modern-day Don Quixote, Pakistani TV analyst, Zayd Hamed (an eye-sore to me) most of the times offensively, uses first person plural ‘ hum ‘ for himself and second person singular for his addressee,in the same sentence.

  • Gohar

    /* If you think that Lord of Throne is Allah then why children born to Muslims have not written on their forehead that he is a Muslim and should have the organ which you people change of the child after his birth. */

    ‘True Belief’ is only for the UNSEEN and book of signs (Al-Quran) is there to firm that believe (or imaan) that Allah (swt) is the ONLY power, creator and controller of whole universe. According to our holy book Quran we all human-being are sent to this world for the TEST, there is another ever-lasting life, a true life waiting for all of us after this short-lived life. If you know/see everything by your eyes then that will NOT be a test that is why there is nothing written on the forehead of every child born in this world. In order Allah (swt) to see or have a clear-case against or in favor of us on the day of judgement that who BELIEVE on the true verses (sign of Allah-swt) and remember only those believe in Allah(swt) who ponder His message (Al-Quran) over and over …

    Religion of Islam was there when the first man Hazrat Adam (as) was sent as a prophet, like any other prophet of Islam – Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) just came to revive that same religion which was also given to Hazrat Ibrahim (Abraham) or Moses or Jesus. The flag of religion of Islam hold by 124000+ prophets (messengers of Allah-swt) till this day.

    You can’t compare humanity with religion. Religion of Islam was there to ‘guide’ humanity. It’s like water is there for a man to drink so water arrived to this world BEFORE the human beings and after time to time this water (religion) got polluted henceforth Allah (swt) kept sending His prophets to put the human beings back on track until the last prophet our beloved prophet Mohammad (pbuh) who brought the complete sharia (deen) till day of qiyamat (resurrection) as Allah (swt) said in the quran ..

    Al-Quran (5:3)
    “………………….This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed my favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion”

  • NASAH (USA)

    My dear Raj sahib there is no need to get defensive — there is need to understand that in old pre-medieval days — this is the way the cookies used to crumble — for my sense of justice the old Hindu culture treated women with more equality and justice than 50 years ago — and polyandry is one of the evidences.

  • Anonymous

    Why love dies? Perhaps love never was in the first place!

    • Anonymous

      ……and the dislike here proves it!

  • Anonymous

    Raj ji

    If I may – Humans came before ‘humanity’.

    The Supreme Creator is above any need for our continuous praises for him so Don’t you think Religion and the concept of humanity go hand in hand to serve our inner vacuums and the need to construct a moral code to deal with fellow humans?

    Unfortunately, the symbiotic bond between ‘religion’ faith and ‘humanity’ is being destroyed from within both the element by the narrow interpretations of ‘humans’ in their base selfish form.

  • Jamal

    Well, I just gave an example it may be more ..and why no one can’t believe in it that it may be more !!! …if just A DAY of judgement would be equal to 50,000 days of this world …then in the world of hereafter anything is possible ..if the reward of just one good deed is 700 times more than that of it in normal days …(49000 times in ramadan) then anything is possible …Life after this life is very different ..and as according to one Hadith ….this world is not more than a wing of mosquito in the eyes of Allah (swt)..not even equal to mosquito itself ….

    • NASAH (USA)

      Your math is incredible!

    • Anonymous

      Subhanallah! Jamal o Gohar……

  • NASAH (USA)

    So you are saying that God by Himself does not have the resources to send His messages directly to his followers that he needs molvis to be His middle men?

    As you say — ” remember molvi or the true believer doesn’t SAY anything but CONVEY the message of Almighty…”

    Now think about it — does God need to market Islam — and market it — of all the advertizing geniuses that are available to Him — through you, educationally challenged guys?

    You molvi are pretty arrogant and self condescending — to self appoint yourself as CONVEYORS of God messages.

    Aren’t you?

    • M.Saeed

      One of the moulvis’ reply to my query about their role between Allah (SWT) and an ordinary man was really amazing. In his spontaneous reply he retorted that, his role was that of a “letter-box”! Without waiting for a further question, he clarified that, if you have to write a letter to anybody, you have to post it in a letter box after writing address and fixing stamp. Therefor, any request to Allah (SWT) must be submitted to moulvi, so that it could be presented by him appropriately (through proper channel) to Allah (SWT). No doubt, there was a huge frown and no answer when I mentioned a well known saying that, “Allah (SWT) is nearer to you than your Jugular Vein!

      • NASAH (USA)

        How about claiming hand delivery to God — “letter box” in times of G mail, G4, Blue Tooth and wireless!!

      • Anonymous

        Eerie that I too had a similar response about 10 years ago ŵhen asking if “”Allah (SWT) is nearer to you than your Jugular Vein!” Then What role does a molvi or a pir play – his response that in the ‘neeyat’ the molvi is included as the intermediary. I guess it must all ve part of Darse Nizami ….

  • NASAH (USA)

    Pretty cruel indeed — what I am afraid of is — it will scare the hell out of a pious Muslim women to step inside a Jannat where 70,000 men claiming to be her husbands – will be waiting for her.

  • Anonymous

    Hashmi Sb

    If NASAH Sb is present too, we may not be able to indulge too much in your culinary delights but the anticipation of any expected rendezvous itself more than offsets that. Zindagi rahi t’o ……

    • NASAH (USA)

      Inshallah we will get together one day to taste Hashmi sahib’s culinary delights.

  • Anonymous

    Gohar Sb

    I can assure you that NASAH Sb is bounds more knowledable about the Quran and other books – further I believe that he does not believe because a mullah tells him to believe but believes because of his his inquiring mind which may have prompted a few others to open up the Book instead of delegating the task to others telling them about the Book!

    I have read your replieson the dog of Al-Kahf, which has not yet appeared. You elevated the dog to 4, 5 or 6th partner. I was content with loyal friend, surely a partner is higher in status – why else mention the dog of Ashab-e-Kahf if the dog is undesirable?!

  • NASAH (USA)

    ” He erected Seven skies and pinned the Earth with mountains and lavished it with waters, flora and fauna” — and ran out of water flora and fauna on Mars.

    Thanks for the Friday science sermon, maulana Nasrullah.sahib.

  • M.Saeed

    “Khilona daykey behlaya gaya houN”!

    Perhaps, all these promises of rewards are miscued aberrations.

    There is hardly any logic behind the 70, or 70,000 or any other multiple number of “Hoor-ain”.
    After undergoing and completing the sentenced confinement in this world for a single disobedience, what justification is there even for a single repeat of “offense”, not to talk of any multiple?

  • Farooq Hashmi

    The topic of the debate is,” Why Love Dies?” Within a few days of its onset, it had deviated from its real path into the out-land of religion,and ever since then, it has been rambling in it. Let’s bring it back on its real track.The multi-faced word,’love’,is exceedingly intriguing.When an ordinary man hears,the word,’love’, the image of it he forms in his mind, is purely of physical and sensual attraction,and that,in fact, is only one of the four faces of love. The four forms of love are as following:-
    (1)Storge (affection). ‘Storge’ conveys the meaning of familial ‘affection’,as parents’ ‘affection’ for their offspring, and brotherly and sisterly ‘affection’ among siblings
    (2)Phileo (friendship).’Phileo’ is a ” mental love ” which takes its birth among and between friends, as the case may be, bound together with common interest or activity.
    (3)Eros (romance). ‘Eros’ connotes ‘physical’, passionate love attended upon by sexual desire and longing. It’s this genre of love which is operative in the matters of dating and connubial relationships. Erotic love is based purely on sensuality and emotionalism in the absence of the balance of logic.
    (4)Agape (unconditional love),Agape_____ one of the Christian virtues____is the love of Christians for their fellow human-beings.
    In one way or the other, all the romantic literature revolves around the third form____ ‘Eros”____ of love. Thus, Hamlet’s love for Ophelia, Lady Booby’s love for her seventeen-year old servant, Joseph Andrews and Byron’s love for Lady Milbanke fall under the caption of ‘ Eros’.
    When the prankster, Blind Winged Boy, Venus’ Son,Cupid, hits one, with his arrow of eroticism, one is paralyzed of thinking in terms of rationalism, hence. syllogism _____,” the nonsensical nature of these demands ” and ” you need to stop living in fear of losing your loved ones…….”, etc.______ is applicable to only a normal mind.

    • Anonymous

      Hashmi Sb

      NASAH Sb was correct in pointing out – ‘ because of boredom of seeing the same’ and now your expose here of love and our deviations here – mine is dying out (of course there is always the hope of rekindling it with some exceptional feat). So ‘good bye’ (from here as I look for a new love!) for now!

  • Farooq Hashmi

    Sir, If life in the hereafter will be devoid of sensual pleasure, what’s the logic in a paradise-dwelling man having 70 hooris and a paradise-rewarded woman 70,000 husbands. Probably,logic has gone haywire somewhere.

    • Gohar

      Always going for ‘logic’ for everything will only be delaying the true ‘beliefs’ on what has been said by Allah-swt in Quran and what Rasool-Allah (swt) has said in hadiths ….its like pre-Socratic philosophers believed that the world was flat until Aristotle confirmed that the world is spherical against the ‘logic’ of being accepted as flat ….’logic’ also says that how come we all be alive once again after we will be mixed with sand underneath ..and Allah-swt mentioned below:

      (Qur’an, 25:48-49)
      “We send down from heaven pure water so that by it We can bring a dead land to life and give drink to many of the animals and people We created.”

  • Anonymous

    The thought of 2 to 4 sets of inlaws is scary enough let alone 70,000. Anyhow, I trust the intent was nit marketing the hereafter with promises of everlasting carnal pleasures in an orgiastic setting but that is how it ends up being portrayed.

  • Gohar

    Does it REALLY matter which came first ? If it so, then can you please tell me your grand-grand-grand-grand father name (5 generations back ) ??….My friend NASAH …don’t try to indulge in futile discussion trying to prove Quranic verses dubious to the average-minded or people don’t have enough knowledge about words of Allah-swt …Do you agree what Allah-swt said in Quran below ?

    Al-Quran (3:7)
    “He is the One who has revealed to you the Book (the Qur’an). Out of it there are verses that are Muhkamat (of established meaning), which are the principal verses of the Book, and some others are Mutashabihat (whose definite meanings are unknown). Now those who have perversity in their hearts go after such part of it as is mutashabih, seeking (to create) discord, and searching for its interpretation (that meets their desires), while no one knows its interpretation except Allah; and those well-grounded in knowledge say: “We believe therein; all is from our Lord.” Only the men of understanding observe the advice. “

  • Anonymous

    Sahrish Ahmad Gul writes :
    “To the orthodox Muslim Allah is the Lord
    of the Worlds, unique in his essence and attributes, ruling
    over all the universe and quite unlike anything in his
    creation. To the Sufi, on the other hand, “God is the
    One Real Being which underlies all phenomena” (Nicholson,
    The Mystics of Islam, p.80). He is everything and
    there is nothing but Him. Man’s purpose is to lose his
    natural sense of a separate identity from his Creator
    and to be absorbed instead into his knowledge until
    there remains no distinction of consciousness
    between him and God. Through a series of stages (maqamat)
    and subjective experiences (ahwal) this process of
    absorption develops until complete annihilation (fana)
    takes place and the worshipper becomes al-insanul-kamil,
    the “perfect man”.

    Maybe, for me, the concept of God as being “all-in-all” rings truer. Sufis at the end of the day were good people, and achieved intimacy with God that we all yearn for. They were Muslims too so God made us in His image and likeness is indeed an Islamic view.”

    Sahrish, is Rumi for example making distinctions of orthodoxy or lack of it, in his writings? May I suggest you look up references to khud parasti, khud beeni and khud shinasi and have another few readings of the Masnavi.

    Union with the Beloved Creator in its metaphorical sense is one thing, concluding ior assuming the qualtities of the Creator in their entirity is another. Naive logic akin to the example : all cats have four legs, my dog has four legs therefore my dog is a cat! Remember Rumi submits to the Almighty, not equates himself to one! Perhaps the error arises from hermeneutics of Rumi’s language as understood (unintentionallly by the reader or unintentionally conveyed by the author) by orientalists brought up in a different paradigm – like Nicholson.

    You further ask :
    “How can you view physical as separate from the spiritual. Isn’t your spirit driving you after all?”

    I would suggest again to leave the Devine out of the debate…..physical is after all temporary (and at times in direct clash with spiritual!) . Perhaps you should be asking whether the spirtual needs the physical in the context you wish to convey.