‘Tis Better to have Loved and Lost

‘Tis Better to have Loved and Lost

Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.
~ James Matthew Barrie


Rainbows are beautiful aren’t they? But quite the treacherous one of nature’s many beauties. Here now, and gone the next moment. It’s almost impossible to catch a perfect rainbow through the eyes of a camera, no matter how digitalized one may be. But the rainbows that reside within us are permanent, beautiful and most importantly – ours.


Reading Bano Qudsia, I came across the concept of social madness. What caused it? What caused a person to become a senseless, raving lunatic? What drove a life to its end? What caused an alive, pumping, surging heart to desire an end to its rhythm? Why do people commit suicide? The answer took me aback for a moment – unrequited love. Did it really? Did unrequited love really drive an intellectual, rational, alive individual to start moving in the opposite direction? Weren’t this Freudian and Anti-Freudian at the same time? Unrequited love sounds so primal, so basic. So vulgarly passionate. No?


People certainly wish to be known as calm, collected, in-control individuals. People want to be dependable, reliable, stable. Solid mountains in the face of storms. Nobody wants to be known as the passionate, crying, begging, besotted fool. Men want to be macho. Women want to be feministas. People want social, economic, racial, cultural and gender identity. They want to belong. Right?


That’s right. But then I’ve always been one of those radicals who believe in challenging everything if for nothing else, than for the thrill of the debate. I mean, I know you are right, but let’s suppose for the sake of argument, that you’re wrong! Let me prove it to you! :D Awesome feeling! So I don’t want to belong. I’m not particularly bothered about public opinion. I don’t care about social-racial-cultural-gender identity. I just want to be me.


And a big part of being me is being alive. Being passionate. Being a crying, begging, besotted idiot. And I love this part of my being. I love the fact that I am a hot blooded fool. I cherish the feeling of elation and obsession. I am most alive when I’m in love. It makes me realize I exist. It tells me that in every pore of my existence there is life that is attracted to life. I feel the energy in my core. I love the redness of the warm blood running in my body. I can feel the texture of the air that travels through to my lungs. The water I swallow travels a path of nerve endings that kick and giggle when each molecule of water teases them. In that moment of pure, raw power I don’t need anything, anyone. I am enough for me. I don’t care whether my passion, affection, desire is able to find a home. I am not concerned about its viscosity. I am not interested in ensuring that someone hears, feels, absorbs and returns my feeling. There is a rainbow within me that is beautiful and perfect and it is mine! It belongs to me. I don’t want any requital.


Unrequited love doesn’t drive men and women to madness. The fear of dying without having loved does. Thank you God, for making me as weird as I am! :)


I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

~ Alfred Lord Tennyson




Amna Ali

A psychologist , A level General paper teacher, academic counselor and a .

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  • MMA

    Well done Ms writer. But a question came up after reading your words, for how long you have been a conventional debater?.:)

    Anyways, while u relate your writing to Bano Qudsia’s work. Picking up concept of social madness, life driven to an end, a reason big enough to go for suicide. “the unrequited love”. And towards the end, calling it vulgarly passionate..Ommmggghh…don’t be so ruthless to someone’s opinion (specially when u grab it too superficially). I may cut your marks for being unreasonable in your arguments. (between, there was much more to this reason in Bano’s writing. The concept was beyond merely stating unrequited love as a reason, it extended to human behaviors, philosophy of halal haram, fictionally related genes mutation n so much more between the lines. You better give it another go through. Her novel worth it reading “after reaching mature age” once again. It isn’t that straight going).

    Now coming towards your writing, how you narrated that people like to be known as and how they should be doing for being better (as yourself is posed as better aptitude one in the article). I think, too conventional words. You deny that choices, nature, level of sensitivity, behavioral responses, feelings of good n bad, right and wrong vary too much among humans “the social animals” anyways. Supposed to be social to extent they feel comfortable at. If you think you deny all this just by posing your highly passionate sounding conventional exaggerating words, come down please. You can not simply deny whole of human psychology related researches.:). I think Bano had more grip over the topic than the rebuttal you presented.

    Now beyond your writing and Bano’s work. Hmmmmm….i liked your topic selection and a good amount of flow you generated here. Go ahead, read Bano once more and come back with better words. We’ll like to see you writing more.

    Again. Well done Ms writer. “But do try once again”. You may do even better.

    Note: I’m not a writer, neither a critic. So don’t take any of my words as professional advice..:P