‘And they lived happily ever after….’ It sounds good, ain’t it? Rather it sounds a bit too good to be true. At least for once it takes you away from the pallid reality out there or may be from the one lying just next to you (your husband/wife –if you still don’t understand what I mean)
Where the ‘forever part’ seems to be a nice extension to the span of time people live happy for, won’t it be nice if we force the truth to come out for once? I, for one feel that our ideals about marriage are way too romantic to be even least healthy for the relationship. A bunch of A level students find the hunt for the ‘perfect life partner’ who is nice, loving, caring and all like it’s too little to ask for as compared to putting up a demand for ‘ a really pretty, gorgeous and to-die-for spouse. They also think if you are one hell lucky in your ‘search’, then all the problems that may potentially strike you in your lifetime are gone. Is that so?
Marriage for many is a purely romantic notion, where love is supposed to do it all. But reality is way too different than a life predominated or I should say obsessed with lovey dovey thingies, where all that the husband has to think on his way back home is to bring flowers for his missy and the missy is able to empathize all her husband’s repressed desires and hurts and lavish her selfless love on him. A little reality check here please! Marriage is a contract based on rules and regulations, on rights and obligations and love is a factor operative behind smoothing all it takes for it to function well.
Marriage is two people coming together for reasons that can vary but with a common aim to start off a family unit. Now this needs arrangements, positions clearly defined and laws to consult in case of any disaster. It also means two people who are reasonably attracted to each other, yes call it love if that makes you happy, and are able to put up with each other’s qualities and flaws, yes you hear me right-Flaws, deciding to come under a common flagship. And this, by default, means that there are going to be the good and the bad sides to a person, which means there will be troubles adjusting to it. The catch here is how far you’re willing to go to make it work.
And so end of the bedtime fairy tales! There’s a lot to be accomplished before hitting the bed, and trust me, by the time you are done with all; there will be no time for tales. I’m not trying to steal away the beauty of this union by making it sound a bit too mechanical, all I’m trying to do is to shock people (by people I mean unmarried folks, or some naive, married couples too) to accept that like any other relationship, this one also doesn’t have to be flawless. You should be ready for the unpleasant..umm..may be little less than a plethora of happiness you’re eager to explore. So when the unpl—– part happens, it doesn’t shatter you and your ideals enough so you end up in despair and in unwanted misery.
Know that there are rules to be followed, codes to remain loyal to and behavioral issues that you may encounter time and again. This is precisely because it’s no snow-white story; here are real people involved with real stakes in the partnership, and the sooner you learn this the better it is. However, you’ll need to define what you can put up and not put up with which means defining your boundaries in relationship, which is not bad at all. It only helps you save the pain, which may follow if you avoid clarity.
And yes there’s love, loads and loads of it. Some time it may show and at other times, it may just choose to remain in hiding. That’s why we head for this ‘contract’, decide to live with that certain someone and start a family with him alone, but there’s more to it that needs not to be overlooked – a human side to a Cinderella story.