This article is partly, in response to the flurry of women rights and women freedom articles adorning today’s blogs, magazines and papers and partly as a bid to break the silence on gender biased liberties especially when it comes to one of the most sacred institutions as marriage.
I know this question of dependence or independence will stir a huge riot in the feminist, women-rights or female-independence camp, though I am not against this in anyway, but do feel that men should be able to voice their concerns as well. As soon as a man tries to speak of his rights and wishes he is shot down as a chauvinist being trying to control his better half. But I believe it is important that both sides be heard to save this institution of marriage.
Our female colleague writers and speakers, who do make their voice heard on the public forums, somehow encircle around a certain implication to the issue of female independence and women rights. That is to say marriages, and point in interest to early marriages. It is a common belief among certain women that marrying at an earlier age is somehow binding them to their bread earner hence curtailing their independence. That not having the chance to study as much as certain men do, they somehow are not able to exercise their right to determine their livelihoods. Though up till that age they are very content in being dependant on their parents but being dependant on their husbands? No that is supposed to be a taboo although the relation being as pure and proper as humanly or religiously possible.
To carry on with this discussion of who is independent or not, let me lead you through a typical man’s life, especially up to the point he gets married. Boys grow up to the point where their education has a bearing on their careers. So they get into an academic program permitted by money and the grades they have where they will have the best career. Best career? The only known considerable measure of it; is how much money he will make once he is through with his studies. That’s the pinnacle of his independence and free will. To earn money
to do what?
I ask the men reading this article as I am sure everyone will feel free to express their opinion in the comments section. You make yourself a good career to do what? To go jet setting around the world? Alone? To buy expensive big cars to drive? Alone? Or, surely speaking for the majority and not a few exceptions, to be able to one day provide for your future family? To certain women the idea of marrying late is like the Holy Grail like if they are able to wait as long as men do it will give them a certain edge on other not-so-fortunate girls who married in their 20s. Again I ask boys, do you like to wait for so long or you are forced to do so hence you can
get established enough to run a house?
The other thing I do not understand, probably due to my ignorance, is what independence are women asking for? When they say they want to peruse the career of their dreams? What career of dreams? Yes it starts as a romantic tale at first but then it’s just a 9 – 5 with men yearning to be able to spend time with their families. The only investment in this world worth taking care of, a man has, is his wife and children whether he admits it or not. What other independence are they demanding? Financial? Do working women really eat, sleep and dress better than their housewife counterparts? Or probably and certainly true in some parts of our society, the liberty to go out and have not so appropriate relations out of marriage. Is it a trait of men really worth copying? And coming back to the question of finances, in how many households where men and women work equally the primary household expenditure is the woman’s responsibility?
I am sure a lot of readers here have and do certainly quote the glamorous lifestyle of the west. Well, one thing apart from marrying or not on their free will, men, women working as equals, or perceived to be working as equals as not many women are ever allowed to advance much in their careers, having financial independence of spending, touring and living as they like, leaves, a vast majority of the population from 24 to 45 years of age alone, unmarried and companionless. So the choice is yours if any woman wants a slice of a man’s freedom feel free to do so, it is not a pretty place to be in.
What is all this , in the end, this fight for independence and liberties, is just an excuse for both of men and the women to run from their inter-dependences. Our expectations of what a married life should be has grown to the point where nothing seems enough anymore, hence men are perceived to be having fun frolicking around and women are seen to be caged within their houses. It is only when both try to satisfy the other’s need this fight for dependence and independence can be put to rest.