Why Wouldn’t I get Married?


Why Wouldn’t I get Married?

This article is partly, in response to the flurry of women rights and women freedom articles adorning today’s blogs, magazines and papers and partly as a bid to break the silence on gender biased liberties especially when it comes to one of the most sacred institutions as marriage.

 
I know this question of dependence or independence will stir a huge riot in the feminist, women-rights or female-independence camp, though I am not against this in anyway, but do feel that men should be able to voice their concerns as well. As soon as a man tries to speak of his rights and wishes he is shot down as a chauvinist being trying to control his better half. But I believe it is important that both sides be heard to save this institution of marriage.

 

Our female colleague writers and speakers, who do make their voice heard on the public forums, somehow encircle around a certain implication to the issue of female independence and women rights. That is to say marriages, and point in interest to early marriages. It is a common belief among certain women that marrying at an earlier age is somehow binding them to their bread earner hence curtailing their independence. That not having the chance to study as much as certain men do, they somehow are not able to exercise their right to determine their livelihoods. Though up till that age they are very content in being dependant on their parents but being dependant on their husbands? No that is supposed to be a taboo although the relation being as pure and proper as humanly or religiously possible.

 

 

To carry on with this discussion of who is independent or not, let me lead you through a typical man’s life, especially up to the point he gets married. Boys grow up to the point where their education has a bearing on their careers. So they get into an academic program permitted by money and the grades they have where they will have the best career. Best career? The only known considerable measure of it; is how much money he will make once he is through with his studies. That’s the pinnacle of his independence and free will. To earn money
to do what?

 

 

I ask the men reading this article as I am sure everyone will feel free to express their opinion in the comments section. You make yourself a good career to do what? To go jet setting around the world? Alone? To buy expensive big cars to drive? Alone? Or, surely speaking for the majority and not a few exceptions, to be able to one day provide for your future family? To certain women the idea of marrying late is like the Holy Grail like if they are able to wait as long as men do it will give them a certain edge on other not-so-fortunate girls who married in their 20s. Again I ask boys, do you like to wait for so long or you are forced to do so hence you can
get established enough to run a house?

 

 

The other thing I do not understand, probably due to my ignorance, is what independence are women asking for? When they say they want to peruse the career of their dreams? What career of dreams? Yes it starts as a romantic tale at first but then it’s just a 9 – 5 with men yearning to be able to spend time with their families. The only investment in this world worth taking care of, a man has, is his wife and children whether he admits it or not. What other independence are they demanding? Financial? Do working women really eat, sleep and dress better than their housewife counterparts? Or probably and certainly true in some parts of our society, the liberty to go out and have not so appropriate relations out of marriage. Is it a trait of men really worth copying? And coming back to the question of finances, in how many households where men and women work equally the primary household expenditure is the woman’s responsibility?

 

I am sure a lot of readers here have and do certainly quote the glamorous lifestyle of the west. Well, one thing apart from marrying or not on their free will, men, women working as equals, or perceived to be working as equals as not many women are ever allowed to advance much in their careers, having financial independence of spending, touring and living as they like, leaves, a vast majority of the population from 24 to 45 years of age alone, unmarried and companionless. So the choice is yours if any woman wants a slice of a man’s freedom feel free to do so, it is not a pretty place to be in.

 

 

What is all this , in the end, this fight for independence and liberties, is just an excuse for both of men and the women to run from their inter-dependences. Our expectations of what a married life should be has grown to the point where nothing seems enough anymore, hence men are perceived to be having fun frolicking around and women are seen to be caged within their houses. It is only when both try to satisfy the other’s need this fight for dependence and independence can be put to rest.



Owais-ur-Rahman Shah

A bachelor resolute not to marry


  • Taj Ahmad

    ‘Allah’ created both sex men and women for each others, to get married
    and to have children to run his world until the day of judgement.
    Please guys, get married of your choice and remember…there is no love
    marriage before marriage, actual and true love start after marriage.
    Please be fair, trustful and have good relationship with both families.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000434202728 Haidar Ali

      Nice brother ..It have worth

  • rrrr

    Unfortunately,the concepts and the ideology of feminism has influenced or should I say ,has been indoctrinated inside muslim women and now they want to copy the lifestyle of western women. But. A woman who has fair amount of religious education will not speak like one of those feminist .

  • Owais Shah

    I guess you failed to read the last paragraph

  • Owais Shah

    First of all i never wrote all women.
    Yes the society should be blamed but not to the extent where we keep on pushing marriages to a later and later age where neother the boy nor the girl feel the need to live in mutual relationship. What the “so-called” femisinsts are doing is pushing people away from mutual dependance. It goes both ways but needed to be written in a way where a man’s point of view showed through as not many men chose to write on it

  • Owais Shah

    If you think caring grooming and catering for her family is slavery then I cant say much to convince you. It can be very easily seen that more and more newer generation kids and families are distances themselves from their parents because both (mother primarily and father) don’t have enough time to spend with their children. Would you like to see us being thrown in old folks homes by our kids just because both parents were too busy slaving away in the office to bond with their children. Ok as per your point of view let’s make the men slave away in kitchens but both of them spending unnecessary amounts of time outside is not healthy for anyone

  • Owais Shah

    who has ever commended the beahiviour of men kicking and beating their wives?? or where have you read anyone saying that women should not be educated? The only point is get married early and then do whatever you like be it education or whatever as utopian as it may seem its my suggestion

  • Anonymous

    you simply proved the writer correct, since you sound like those grumpy old men with a dead end carrier

  • M.Saeed

    The inflammatory question is: “Why wouldn’t I get married
    with a question mark (?)

    The answer is very simple, if one has a slightest
    inclination to follow wisdom of Islam and its “genuine essence” in way of life.

    Islam says, that, the “funeral prayer of a person is not
    “Jaiez” or permitted, if he has died without genuinely getting or attempting to
    get married”. End of the debate.

    A debate on a balance in a Muslim marriage is futile without
    considering applicable provisions.

    According to Quranic injunctions and explanatory details
    from Hadith, men and women are unequivocally made equal in Nikah.

    A woman plus her “Haq-Mehr” is kept at one side of the scale to balance
    the other side with man minus the Haq Mehr, which he must remove from himself. This
    is a simple balance in “Nikah Agreement” and all other rigmarole of discourse
    is the terror-creation by the self-serving Mullah. Imagine how ruthlessly they
    strike-off three women protection provisions in the official Nikah-Nama for
    Muslim Marriage in Pakistan prescribed by the Government in 1961, after going
    through the due process. It was formulated and adopted after thorough
    deliberations by the religious scholars of Muslim Family Laws, in accordance
    with the relevant provisions in Quran and Sunnah. Following are the relevant
    provisions with their numbers, as they appear in the official Nikah-Nama:

    17. Special Condition if any?

    18. Whether the husband has delegated the power of divorce
    to the wife, if so, under what conditions?

    19. Whether the husband’s right of divorce is in any way
    curtailed?

    It is unfortunate that, before marriage, we never ponder
    about these provisions and it is considered almost sacrilegious even to talk
    about these provisions before marriage. At the time of signing the Nikah-Nama,
    the rush of rituals overwhelm the two and they just sign in the forced hurry to
    marry.

    Now, let us be practical and start doing the right things at
    right time, before giving any chance to the excuses.

  • HE MAN

    No it has open his eyes and mind and has taken him out from the dark,dangerous and a horror cave.

  • Kirmani

    AoA Brother Saeed,

    Following is the conclusion I have come to after some research and study. I humbly request you to study and research this on your own before you comment.

    No. 17 (Special Condition) depends upon the agreement between the two parties. If they agree on a condition for Nikah that does not go against Sharee’ah, they can have it there, but neither of the parties can be forced.

    No. 18 does not exist in Allah’s law. Allah has already ordained the rights and responsibilities of both husband and wife. Please read Surah baqarah aayat 227-232. Would a woman follow a similar procedure of divorce? And would similarly have right of going back to her husband during iddah after divorce if she chooses? Surely not! Then my question is … why not? Isn’t that like curtailing the rights of a husband now?

    When we start meddling with Allah’s laws, we only create more problems for ourselves.

    Regarding No 19: Talaq is a right as well as a responsibility given to a husband by Allah, and no one can take it away. Any change to Allah’s law is bound to create imbalance, no matter how good our intentions are.

    Allah has created everything in a finely tuned balance and has ordained all our rights and responsibilities (Al-yauma akmalto lakum deenokum…). When (so-called) religious scholars and mullahs try to play god and try to “fine-tune” what they see as imbalance in Allah’s law (Nauzubillahi min zaalik), under the pretext of “protection of bride”, (implying that Allah did not give the right law to protect the bride, Nauzubillah!), they end up making provisions like 18 and 19, that go against the law given by Allah.

    May Allah guide us all so that we follow Quran and Sunnah. Ameen!

  • Kirmani

    With due respect, the article is by no means anti-women. The idea is to give everybody the men’s perspective as well.

    Take for example your own case… (with due respect). You see yourself as somebody hard done by the decisions of your family, but take a look at the same proposal from the other side i.e. the guy sending the proposal. For similar (intra-family marriage requirement) and other reasons as outlined in this article, men can’t get any family to accept their proposal on average till they are 30, and in some cases even till they get 40+.

    The point is that both men and women are hard-done by the society, and no doubt they themselves also have a part to play in it.

  • NASAH (USA)

    France is a medieval country come to America and see how many househusbands excel in home economics.

    Of course you will never the Desi doing that.

  • ahsan

    beautifully composed…

  • ahsan

    some celebrate everyday of the year as men’s day…
    bachelor ones those are.. :)