Why aren’t you Married Yet?


Why aren’t you Married Yet?

To be born without a Y chromosome brings lots of complications and issues. We live in a world in which women have come very far in
various fields but still old age traditions often tend to be setbacks for them.

 
Marriage is not just something required to survive personally and socially but being Muslims is also our religious obligation. There is
no specific age mentioned in Islam to get married, but like most things our society has a way of portraying Islam as a religion
favoring men.

 
As soon as a woman reaches her twenty- in most backward parts it might just be as soon as she reaches puberty- her parents start
worrying over a suitable match. I have often asked myself why parents don’t get the same idea about their sons. Whenever this issue has been raised in casual discussions about our wayward society; and I have asked the very same question, I was treated to many lame
answers.

 
The first most common answer was that after a woman turns thirty, her chances to be liked by a man and her hand to be asked in marriage reduces badly. Why because she is considered not to be young anymore. Again my mind which has always failed to understand this society raises another question; why is it necessary to be young to get married?

 
To that I got the second most common answer which particularly makes my blood pressure rise. They said the younger the woman the more she’ll be able to bear children. Yes I agree everybody wants to have children, they are joy of one’s life, and that yes the older the
woman gets the more she is at risk of having complications. But I ask is that all marriage is about; having legal sex and producing
children? Why don’t we seek a marriage beyond that? Why can’t marriage be more about eternal mutual bliss and a life long
companionship?

 
We gave women a lot of rights, but still hold them oppressed in many other ways. We display them as an item for the families who bring the ‘rishta’. The tradition of seeking brides is so over rated that sometimes I feel like suggesting women to make CV’s to get married.

 
Why aren’t men subjected to same age issue and the scrutiny? They say men get more mature and responsible with age. I don’t know
if that is a natural thing or one of those things that our society has encouraged men to believe in. Sure it is necessary to be mature enough to step in something as serious as marriage but why the woman needs to be young and beautiful?

 
I believe that there are many women out there like me who don’t want to get married that soon. There are many reasons, they might want to have more education; they might want to experience life independently for a while longer and so on. This society needs to
change its traditions, traditions that hold no value. We need to consider that a woman might have expectations from her life just like
a man. A woman sacrifices much more with marriage than a man. We need to understand that she might want to fulfill those expectations before she gets married.

 
Moreover marriage should be treated as a covenant rather than a contract that legalizes it to have babies. While seeking wives for
your sons seek more than just youth and beauty, seek an equal for your son.



Safina sultan

A contributor for The News/Geo blogs


  • DM

    I agree with the author. Nice topic you selected!!!
    Another reason not to chose a mature lady is that they fear the girl wont be flexible enough to tame according to their desires and since, mostly, men cannot accept a strong professional wife walking beside them in life, they prefer not to marry mature, adult ladies.
    Though these mature ladies are more sensible, more organized, more experienced in dealing in laws, able to handle new relations more wisely and above all, being educated, a great source of upbringing kids in a better way.
    Since they prefer young girls, adult ladies get more and more ignored and stay unmarried. Several other covert black marks that exist in our society also add up to the reasons behind not marrying a mature lady. Besides, exceptions are always there.

  • Umair Dar

    i don’t understand which social class of people the writer is talking about because 60-70% of our women population belonging to lower middle class haven’t ever entered the school, so what expectations she has to fulfill before getting married.

  • http://www.facebook.com/yasir.17728 Yasir Saleem

    I would rate the above article as zero. I do agree that woman should also be mature enough to handle the relationship of life. The writer has mentioned that we marry to reproduce only and not for companionship. I think she should get the lesson of what maratial life is and what does islam say about it. Reproduction is necessary part of life for sure and she should visit the hospitals and should interview the couples who doesnot have childern and they have sacrified their life for love of one another. It is sad to know that such immature writers write their comments on such an important aspect of life without knowing ABC of it in the name of freedom.

  • saad

    men and women are not the same and will not be the same. No matter what anyone says. U should accept this fact.
    A man can have more than 1 wife, and a woman cant have more than 1 husband. Do u want the women the right to have more than 1 husband? certainly not.
    So kindly accept the natural differences which God has made.

    • HE MAN

      Has the rule of having many wife for man and only one husband for woman made by GOD? JUST COME OUT FROM THE FALSE EGO MAN.

  • http://www.facebook.com/khadija.irfan.39 Khadija Irfan

    unlimited likes :)

  • Imran

    Well Ms Sultan, I respect your thoughts & agree with most of what is written up there. But it seems that you are ignoring some vital ground realities. Most men don’t marry early because in our society they are supposed take care of family matters from financial to social. Secondly, have you ever seen a family willing to marry their daughter to a man with unsound financial & social status? Probably not & truth is, only a fraction of women tend to become independent & capable of what you have claimed in your lines. Like women, there are men who want to marry early & then there are those who doesn’t. But what has become a norm is something purely systematic. Most men can do nothing about it.

  • Qasim Cheema

    There is no such thing as a strong successful “professional” woman in Islam. Allah almighty has ordained the limits of both male and females, and as a Muslim it is my belief that as Allah has set the limits then these limits are truly the right way. Anything else is wrong, only Satan makes it look and feel like it is ok as it is his mission till the end of times to misguide and. My dear friend judge actions not by the norms of our current corrupted society but by the laws and rules established by Allah and his prophet.

    As far as your point about males being exempted from such rules, I totally agree with you our society has become so pro-male that even wrongs done by them are overlooked just because they are males, this is the true beauty of Islam that males must abide by strict rules as well as females, it is our society that has corrupted the thought process.

    May allah guide us all

    • Ahmed

      I have to respectfully disagree with Qasim Cheema. In Islam there is a PRIME example of a strong, successful, and “professional” woman. Her name is Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her). Not only was she older than the Holy Prophet (pbuh), she proposed to him, and she was wealthier and already a businesswoman when she met him. As a society, we forget such a beautiful example that highlights every right a woman has when it comes to marriage. The problem highlighted by the author here has nothing to do with Islam. It has to do with culture.

      Nearly 90% of our so called “culture” is unIslamic. Everything our pseudo-scholars seem to know about Islam has to do with women whereas we have forgotten the rules that adhere to men. “A woman can’t do this, this, or this,” is usually the rhetoric brainwashed into the general Pakistani mindset. Allah (swt) has made rules and such for everyone, not just women. You can see how completely out of touch with Islam the majority of these commenters are. The majority have used the argument that it is ordained in Islam to marry early, but that is incorrect. You are told to marry early only if you cannot control your desires and are approaching Zina, however there is another rule that says that if you cannot find a suitable candidate for marriage, fast.

      Whatever this writer has said is the complete truth. We men want to poke holes in it because it goes against everything our culture has taught us. First off, II think the women of Pakistan should say, “screw this culture” and focus on Islam. If they cannot find men that understand them in Pakistan, look abroad. You do not have to marry a Pakistani, you just have to marry a Muslim. Once we get this cultural boundary out of the way, the women will see just how beautiful the rest of our Ummah is. Once our women start marrying into different cultures and refuse to marry Pakistanis, maybe then my fellow kin will understand just how powerful and precious these women are.

  • Qasim Cheema

    There is no such thing as a strong successful “professional” woman in Islam. Allah almighty has ordained the limits of both male and females, and as a Muslim it is my belief that as Allah has set the limits then these limits are truly the right way. Anything else is wrong, only Satan makes it look and feel like it is ok as it is his mission till the end of times to misguide and. My dear friend judge actions not by the norms of our current corrupted society but by the laws and rules established by Allah and his prophet.

    As far as your point about males being exempted from such rules, I totally agree with you our society has become so pro-male that even wrongs done by them are overlooked just because they are males, this is the true beauty of Islam that males must abide by strict rules as well as females, it is our society that has corrupted the thought process.

    May allah guide us all

  • WK

    I respectfully disagree to what Safina has mentioned in this article and I agree to the fact that men and women shouldn’t be treated alike. I, by myself live in a society where late age marriages are not considered a good thing even for the men. I personally know many such women who, being the believer & preachers of the same ideology; refused to get married in early stage and now when they have reached their fourties, weep out of bounds about their foolish ideology, because “ideally” their “ideal’ won’t exist.
    I don’t know much about the West, but in our Eastern culture, the age issue with men & women should be kept apart because both of them have their definite responsibilities and all of us know what they are. So, sooner she gets married, the better she could fulfill her duties.
    (Everybody has a right to disagree.)

  • sadaf

    I really appreciate what you have written but i would also like you to elaborate more on the fact that females have such social pressure of marrying in a certain age in our society. Hence, otherwise they will be left single or unmarried. The acceptability left for women who crosses 25 is declined and if she is independent that is taken as a great threat by men. Its actually sad, how females living under such pressures are left in depression just thinking that they have to fit into the society values “of marrying no matter what within a certain age limit”
    Moreover, in our society companionship is not given importance in marriage. i would also like you to write more on this issue where today, many people end up getting love marriages but it is still looked upon as a shame.

    • Wajahat

      appreciative :)

  • Waqar

    I respectfully disagree… Getting married is not all about SOUL MATE. You are responsible for continuing human race. and if your 40, You will won’t have energy and passion required to raise a kid. This article might be ideal for BURGER class but this is not problem in current Pakistani society. And let’s face how many women are strong enough to hold natural desires till 40… Ideal don’t exist.

    Regards

  • Anonymous

    this is pure feminist crap..please mention your age .. woman rights is something which is stuck in limbo and has no definition ! Men or Woman are not same at all but they are equal and have their own set of roles ,a family can run without father but not without mother, The writer has given an outcry over men preferring youth and beauty,which makes sense when women prefer rich and power .. and this is natural..you cannot blame anyone .. and trust me men have many things on their minds .. I think 20s is the ideal age for women to get married because their children could use that motherhood longer .. I urge the writer to go to Taiwan ..get a gender change and see how hard it is on the other side !

    • http://twitter.com/muneebzch منيب ظفر

      Well said sir. Well said.

  • simba

    oh come on thts the fact gurl can u get married in the age of 40s or 50s the ans would be nooo but yes a man can its not about the society not about culture its the fact how things work in actual life , come out of this fantasy of equal rights and things like that ,

  • One with y chromosome

    Hahahahah i was laughin throughout. Thanks for the entertainment and expressing your naive sentiments out in public.

  • Joseph

    I wasted my 5 minutes reading this bullshit…….

  • Sohail Ahmed

    Women should take responsibility for their actions. We all know it very well that 99.9 percent unmarried girls are on a constant hunt for a wealthy man and not for a soul-mate. So, the slavery is what they choose for themselves and they cannot blame anyone else for that.

  • Mohsin

    Totally non-practical thoughts. If ladies want to do the same men are doing, then why don’t you go at borders and fight like men and why do you not catch criminals like men are doing ??? Sister, surely, both men and women have their own capabilities and so they have their own fields and responsibilities and they should be treated according the same capabilities, fields and responsibilities. There are certain things which men and do and ladies cannot do and also things which ladies can do and men cannot. But it does not degrade or upgrade men or women like a crow can fly and a peacock cannot but it does not degrade peacock, peacock has its own capabilities and crow has its own. I will say peacock in this example is same as a woman and crow as a man. Successful will be he/she who understands and accepts his/her capabilities and thus work in this circle only.

  • Auzan

    Man in pakistan its very easy to get any girl with the hlep of his mother family and culture. He don’t even have to go out and search around or do some effort for a wife or partner. 99% of time if he don’t efforet he will get a one, just like apple fall from tree. Zero effort required to get a woman in pakistan becuase of thousands reasons.

    This makes most men arrogant and they feels they are king of the world and they never satify what they have and always looking for other woman or crictiszing their wife that there is no compatability between them and this is all family fault that you are the part of my life. Most men of our culture want more, more ane more. Poor girl pass out by then
    If woman in pakistan are more independant and actually man has to make an effort to bring her into his life from his own choice and own effort things will be change. He will start respecting woman .