My Dear Minister, You Make Us Laugh!

My Dear Minister, You Make Us Laugh!

My God Pakistanis must have done something right to be bestowed by intellectuals and thinkers like dear Interior Minister Rehman Malik. The gentleman always manages to clear up the ambiguities that one may have on things, and that is not a feat everyone can lay claim to. If not, at least we have something to make us laugh in these dire, tense times. Move over America, George W Bush has competition.



It appears that while our president and prime minister are extremely ‘popular’ leaders, (heck I can’t seemed to write a single line without mentioning them or their deeds. I don’t talk so much about my dear husband as much as I do about these gentlemen) Rehman Malik has managed to carve out his own niche in the hall of ridiculous statements ever given by a government leader. Even the President’s statement to the World Economic Forum last year when he said, “Pakistan is alive and kicking with economic opportunity” or the Prime Minister’s assertion that “I am Prime Minister and not a peon” pale in comparison to the dear Interior Minister’s quips, which are refreshing and entertaining for the entertainment starved people of this country.



Recently, as another wave of blood swept through the streets of Pakistan’s largest city, also the economic hub and so-called backbone of the country, the Interior Minister Rehman Malik took over the reigns once again. This seems to be happening quite too often mainly because the main leaders – PM and president – were as expected on ‘important foreign visits’.



(ASIDE) It is extremely interesting how all these foreign trips coincide with mayhem played out in the country, but of course what do mortals like me know of running a country; it’s hard work so we are told.



Anyhoooo, when the situation heated up and a media team was attacked in the rioting in Lyari on Sunday in which several people were killed, our cool operator Interior Minister ji came in to tackle the situation. Like always he managed to douse the situation with his powerful (ludicrous) words. This was mainly because his words caused an overwhelming overflow of emotions of ‘shook and awe’ among the people of the city/country, who were struck silent because they couldn’t come up with a worthy comeback.



According to media reports, our dear minister rubbished the sensationalism that the media was spouting as usual (bad media!) and declared that ‘misreporting’ should be stopped. He said there were no target killings in Karachi – at least not on Sunday and that the people who died that day died of natural causes, personal enmities and accidents.



Rehman ji also said that the media was airing incorrect reports which was causing tension in the ranks and denied that any operation was being carried out. And since we have our dreamy (or dreamer which ever suits your fancy) Sindh Home Minister Manzoor Wassan and his vision, oh yeah and his force comprising the ‘efficient’ police and ‘alert’ Rangers, things are under control (he didn’t actually say that but I guess that is what he meant). Of course he was very angry with the bad media for airing of an incorrect report, like that of a target killing, can cause further tensions among people. The minister clarified that no operation was being carried out but targeted action against criminals without any discrimination was being conducted to maintain law and order in Karachi.



Live video footage is of course as we have seen before in various cases namely Waheeda Shah’s slap case, isn’t evidence – at least not in present day Pakistan. That is all a hoax that this unruly media is weaving.



I think I believe the dear minister when he says the people who died on Sunday died of natural causes – being killed in a shootout or in targeted killings is a natural cause/accidents/ personal enmities in Pakistan/Karachi. I mean how many of us now remember how overwhelming a death was once, when it was a rarity. The dead were respected, and if someone died in an accident or was murdered, it became the talk of the town, so to speak for many weeks, even months. Now death is a common thing, and we have adapted our sensitivities and emotions accordingly.



I am just glad that the jealous wives/girl friends have gone back into their holes, and are not on a killing rampage as they were the last time Karachi bled. I wonder where these women were trained to shoot sniper style and organize mayhem in a country like ours. That’s one for women empowerment – I think. So watch out boys/men, we women are sexy, deranged and dangerous and not necessarily in that order.



Aahhhh, I could go on and on about Rehman Malik ji, but I will only mention one last thing that made me laugh out loud even though that was an inappropriateness thing to do when people are killed.



During the Mehran Base attack in Karachi, Minister Malik told the press that the terrorists ‘…were dressed like Star Wars characters’! This was a classic sentence despite the gravity of the situation and made one think that was this an attack by ‘aliens’. Or was the minister overwhelmed by the situation. Oh and which characters are we talking about, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Darth Vader, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Chewbacca, C3PO, R2D2 or one of the Royal Imperial guards?



I could go on and on about Interior Minister Rehman Malik’s wise words but I suggest you visit my friend Fahad Desmukh’s blog for the complete collection of quotable quotes for all occasions.

Lubna Jerar Naqvi

The writer is a senior journalist and writes regularly on human rights and women issues with special focus on social media. She tweets @raiseqalam

  • M.Saeed

    A very good palm-picture to read!
    Perhaps, a good palmist might see and shed some light on this strange foot-in-mouth character.

  • YS

    Very nice article

  • Noman

    Only PTI-Imran Khan can bring change in Paksitan.

    • Sohaib



    Mr. Malik suffers from foot-in-mouth disease.

  • Shahsa

    like it

  • Arram Enterprises

    bunch of idiots ruling the confuse crowd

  • Barry Richard

    He is one of our most criminal gang of rulers unfortunately at the top of Governement whose main aim is to collect as much money ih their term so that they can enjoy it later on in USA ,England and Switezerland.They are not bothered to listen to what supreme court is saying because Their Head of Gang Zardari can pardon them as he did before.Only Allah can save Pakistan from these bunch of Criminals otherwise there is no way out to save this country unless all people of Pakistan come out on street to kill them.

    • S Nasrullah

      Kudos to you Mr Barry Richard. In the latest development, Bilawal Zardari, the Chairman of PPP unleashed a scathing criticism on the current Supreme Court and has commanded his Jiyala Prime Minister, to peremptorily reject the order of the Supreme Court that requires him to write a letter to the Swiss Court to continue with the money laundering case against AAZ and his accomplices, so that the money at stake is returned to the Pakistan Treasury, where it rightly belongs. It is absolutely clear that the case does not involve BB Shaheed and the convoluted logic of “Trial of Benazir’s Grave” is totally misleading, just to arouse the passions and compassion of the rank and file of PPP grass roots. In the event of YRG losing his Premiership or being sent to the jail, he should have assurances that PPP would amply compensate him when they return to power in the next General Election. This direct confrontation between the government, as one Pillar of the State and the Supreme Court as the other, it augurs ominous for the country. One can see concerted efforts to divide the Nation into nationalities to pave way for its ruinous disintegration.

  • Sohaib

    i wasted my 5 minutes reading half of this crap article , can’t bear the remaining part of it. i think bloggers should be allowed blogging on some merit other than simply who can abuse GOVT officials better.

    • Anonymous

      No one forced you to read – it is still a free world – at least on the internet. You have an opportunity to praise the government officials here if you like!

  • Tariq

    Whole nation cannot disagree about RM but apart from that MQM who is the Major complainant of Karachi situation enjoys most cozy and excellent relation with RM. In fact a Phd. degree which was awarded by Governor Sind who is the chief Negotiator of MQM. How come such a person is reliable and enjoyable of main aggrieved party in Karachi.

  • Anonymous

    NASAH Sb, Saeed Sb,

    Foot and Mouth suffering cattle is usually put down to avoid further spreading the disease. I fear it may be too late in this case as a large number of the cabinet may have caught it by now – seems even Aitraz Ahsan is showing the symptoms after some exposure!

  • Fatimazak

    Perfect person for the position he is in, right? ;)


    As far as Aitzaz Ahsan is concerned what can I say — there is a palpable deterioration in his speech as well — perhaps Malik needed to be confined to the isolation ward — now I see the prince of reconciliation also frothing at his mouth against the Sharifs. The disease is spreading fast soon to become an epidemic.

  • Anonymous

    I hear that he and his entourage had little faith in Ajmeri Baba ‘s security and needed total isolation of the shrine for their exclusive prayer and supplication. No rif-raff allowed into the shrine during their visit… much for equality based on piety and ‘aik he suff mai karhe ho gai mehmood o ayaz…’

  • Anantha079

    well written article true sense of the people in power. keepit up

  • Waq.Guru

    yes he is a gang master mind

  • Irfan

    Shamefull for all of us to have these kind of creatures as our rulers. Awsum blog….