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Let’s talk dirty

Mohammad Malick on 27, Jan 2012 | 15 Comments | in Category: Debate Desk

Mohammad Malick

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The Islamic Republic of Pakistan is supposed to be a citadel of all that is holy and sacred. It’s a ‘family value’ culture, you know. Unlike the ‘selfish, immoral westerners,’ we live and die for our families and our children. Yet, a child is raped and molested every seven hours here. And this ugly statistic is just the tip of the iceberg and accounts for only reported cases. The actual figure runs many times over.

According to studies, over 60 percent of such cases involve family members and associates. Incest too is a reality but nobody dare talk about it. Married women are dying needless deaths in dingy, secret abortion facilities because nobody is telling them how to live. Young children are being exploited for asking the right questions from the wrong people. We are a nation breeding like rabbits and dying like vermin, but nobody wants to talk about sex. It’s time we did.

A recent seminar ended up giving a peek into the dark world of our confused and lost youth. And considering that 64 percent of the 180 million Pakistanis are under 29 years of age, it’s no laughing matter. We are looking at a future lost to confusing ignorance lest we muster the courage to take this bull of moral hypocrisy by the horns.

It was a room full of promising teenagers and young men and women who in any other civilised polity would have been talking excitedly about their future but here they did not even know how to deal with the emotional and physical changes caused by puberty. I sat in utter shock and disbelief as I saw teary-eyed youngsters narrate their harrowing ordeals; their unnatural sufferings caused by merely asking the most natural of questions. Who could have imagined that even the urban and urbane Pakistani youngster had not learnt to differentiate between the ‘good touch’ and the ‘bad touch.’

Are we languishing in the dark ages?

Scared of the clergy and their mindless flocks, sexual education in Pakistan has already been rechristened as Reproductive Health Education but even then it is not being imparted where it is most needed: to our youth. Even today, this education is not even touching the ‘taboo’ subject of sexuality but merely focusing on the physical aspects of change. Why are we scared to teach our children what they must know?

Our brand of Muslims notwithstanding, Islam itself does not forbid us to teach our children about their bodies and choices. On the contrary, Islam stresses informed and educated choices. I recall the extremely conservative and hardline cleric Mufti Muneeb saying on one of my television programmes that there was nothing wrong in imparting sexual education to our young as long as female students were taught by female teachers and males by men. But in reality, neither is being allowed to do anything on the ground.

A telling example of our moral duplicity became evident in this very gathering as I overheard the remarks of a female parliamentarian from Balochistan who on her way out told a female colleague that she was “shocked by the obscene subjects being discussed.”

Obscene? What happened inside was not obscene my dear lady. What’s obscene is when a young child ends up being sexually molested by a kin or a stranger helping him ‘learn the ropes.’ What is abhorring is not children trying to understand the psychological and physical changes being caused by puberty but a child reaching out to a quack to help quell his ‘sudden unnatural urges’ and end up taking medicines that could have killed him. And these are not hypothetical scenarios but actual tragedies shared by some extremely brave youngsters.

We are not averse to marrying off girls even as young as 10 but consider it blasphemous to educate them about the involved intricacies. At 276 deaths per 100,000 live births, the mother mortality rate in Pakistan ranks amongst the highest in the world. These mothers need not die. An average 900,000 abortions are being carried out annually in Pakistan and most are taking place in illegal unhygienic facilities. Around 13 percent women reportedly die in such abortions. And no, these are not your ‘immoral loose character’ women trying to get rid of their sins.

According to authentic studies, over 99 percent of these hapless women are typically in their thirties, married, mothers of four to five children who simply cannot afford adding another member to the already financially burdened household. Abortion in Pakistan is being used as a contraceptive primarily because the overwhelming majority does not even know how to prevent them in the first instance. Ah, the vagaries of ignorance and criminal social pressures.

Our youth has been subjected to a forced crisis of ignorance harbouring immense psychological and physical consequences. Memogate, NICL, presidential immunity, PM’s volte faces, financial scandals of one ilk or another are what appear to be the priority of the media and the government. Nobody is hearing the silent screams of our young. Does anyone care about the hundreds of thousands of young girls and boys trying to deal with an otherwise simple thing like puberty? Does anyone even fathom the social ramifications of a swarming mass of confused, used, and abused youngsters who would be our next generation of adults? These children do not have access to any credible source of education in such sensitive matters.

Quacks are creating a real mess in the rural areas, while in the urban centres an increasing number of youngsters are turning to the digital abyss of the web to seek answers. Here too, porn sites offer an exaggerated sense of sexuality, which in turn sires a whole new set of complexes and complications.

It’s also incumbent upon the media to play a critical role but unfortunately it has chosen the convenient route of avoiding controversy. Instead of changing the skewered moral standards, it is going with the flow.

In what can only be rationalised as being symptomatic of the overall ignorance and insensitivity, a TV anchor recently led a flock of giggling and jostling women on live TV chasing and hounding young couples in a public park. One lady could be heard sermonising admonishments at a panic-stricken girl while hijab-clad women could be seen high-fiving after chasing away a young couple. Was this self-ordained moral brigade even aware of the fatal consequences of showing young couples on television?

Instead of helping our youth understand and cope with their natural needs we have taken it upon ourselves to impose a sense of guilt and sin on them. Could there be anything more repulsive than such irresponsible journalism, such immoral morality?

A strong argument for sexual education can be built simply on the grounds of the economic crisis caused by the stupendously exploding population, which is waylaying all development and policy initiatives. But that would again be tantamount to eschewing the real issue. Children will be curious and they should be. Questions warrant answers and they must be provided. But learning from equally ignorant peers or prying exploiters is not the way to go.

Enough damage has already been done though we are loath to admit it. After all it is the Islamic Republic of Pakistan where nobody drinks, gambling is rare, children are protected and of course incest is an unheard phenomenon.

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Hhassan

A very true article hope the next government can introduce sex education in schools. Its very much needed.
Arman

nonsense
Mehmoona64

i once had an argument when our society was called permissive..but looking back i think i was wrong…our society is indeed permissive,it permits corruption,disregard for human and spiritual laws… basically it allows anything as long as it can be swept under the carpet….and of course the denial and a facade of being righteous…however.if we want to better our society then the first step is acceptance of our faults
nany

I think the article is a true reflection of our societal standards and the amount of hypocrisy prevalent. I salute you Mr. Malick for taking up to pen such issues. We need to educate the so called carriers of the morality before we go out to the masses because people follow what their “leaders” show them.
S Nasrullah

Who taught the young fish to swim? It comes natural and in its own time. With plethora of XXX Movies, Books and Magazines available for the asking, must the institutions waste their time repeating the same lessons in restrained and respectable terms. The modern world has progressed beyond the rudimentary lesson of the flowers and the bees, and with group discussions, it has exhausted the subject of sex into a morbid tale. The astounding figures of single parents have made the society forget the institution of marriage and the concept of family, relegating humanity to fall in line with the animal kingdom and its jungle rule. Morality and decency that were universal in their connotations are only relative terms signifying that old order has changed yielding place to the new, where no holds are barred; a free for all, each according to his whim or wish, reasonable or not, being of no account.
Noor karim

The Article is the perfect example of a famous saying of Pushto language

” yo da valgee na mery do awo bal ye sir lande paratey latavale” meaning
“A person was dieing of hunger and another was trying to find “Parata” under his head”

I am surprised and disappointed by the selection of topic of article by Mr. Malick.

In a society like ours, how did Mr. Malick managed to select such an Irrelevant topic.

In the society as corrupt as Pakistan where the Prime Minister refuses to write a letter for investigation of the corruption of President without any shame”

In a society as poor as Pakistan where Parents are willing to sell their child to feed other children. where people are offering their children to rich people in hope that they will be fed well. where young men are willing to sell their lung to cope up the ever increasing prices of common commodities.

In a society as socially irresponsible as Pakistan, Where some are dieing of hunger and lack of medicine and others spent Millions on their clothing and handbags, Mobiles, bangles and wrist-watches.

In a society where the leaders have never thought of the future of The unfortunate country and its unfortunate people.

In a country with criminal negligence towards the waste of abundance of water, Sunlight , Agricultural land and above all the talented brain of the young.

In a country and society having such Unaware, biased and slave mentality voters that elects the same group of corrupts , gangsters and bunch of inappropriate people as their representatives in Assemblies whenever they get a chance to vote. (once in a blue moon off course)

With the full and complete range of above and other burning issues of Pakistan, I wonder how Mr. Malick selected “SEX Awareness” and ignoring the serious of other matters being faced the country.

This is the same approach as depicted by International Donor Agencies. which ignores the burning issues of unemployment, lack of Drinking water in rural areas of KPK and Baluchistan, lack of roads, lack of basic infrastructure, lack of capacity development of Civil servants, outdated system of public organizations etc etc
and devout Millions of Dollars on yearly basis to Sex Education, Training of Sex workers for safe sex to avoid AIDS, Training young people regarding the changes of puberty…….. and all this S*** rapped up in the fascinating rapper of “Reproductive Health Education”

For GOD sake Mr. Malick, you are talking about safeguarding and smoothing the feelings while in our society people are being destroyed physically by the corruption, poorness, social injustice, moral corruption, religious extremism, social double standards, Drugs, etc etc.

I agree the sexual awareness is a problem in our society,
but having dozens of other more important, more urgent and more damaging
issues how could you spend so much energies on a topic so unimportant to common man. however at the same it would be a pleasing article to the Western world.

This kind of articles looks good in newspapers and websites of Western and Developed countries who has solved the “ROOTI KAPRA and MAKAN” Problems of their problems.

we being sunk in the ocean of problems seems stupid to discuss “SEX Awareness” kind of “luxury” problems and ignoring our problems of “necessity”
Salman

SO how many times ppl get raped every minute in USA? do you(article writer) know that? They do have sexual education right from their birth. The thing is we need to educate parents to tell their children about what is sexuality. If we open schools for this topic, a teacher(if Zaani) may have a different opnion and guess what is he going to teach children? Its parents job so let them do it. All we need to do is to spread awareness that parents must now a days be more active towards this side as many wrong ppl are outside to molest children in the name of sexual education.
M M Bashir Saani

Article is reflecting the problem but not reflecting the causes of the problem. Good comments by M/s Noor Karim and S. Nusrullah. Actual problem is the corrupt political system which destroyed that is the base dislocate all the systems; social systems, economic systems, judiciary system. our ethics, morals etc. Due to the continued injustice specially in economic system many weaknesses emerged in our society, that is one of them. Develuation and inflation of Pakistani currency made the peoples to the brink of starvation. The middle class peoples are the backbone of society that has vanished and converted in lower class except for a few who join the upper class. Now we have only two class upper and lower class. Hard currency or parameter to evaluate a currency is the gold. In 1950s and 1960s in services poor class peoples were those who were working as peon, maali, policeman, a soldier of pay scale-1 or two etc., who earned a gross salary about Rs. 80/- per month and the government was issuing Rupees 80/- one tola gold. as such the salary of an poor employee was one tola gold. Now-a-days government issuing Rupees about 60,000/ against one tala gold. As such the government converted an officer of class-1 in calagories of more poor employees as his earning is less than one tola gold the hard currency. The rates of all basic commodities are controled by the gold because all consumable commodities of basic need of peoples are nearly same as it was hundred years ago or 50 years ago or 20 years ago or today against one tola gold. The inflation effect all the earnings of common peoples, whether they are lower class business man or employees or government or private institution or set ups. Aur meray bhai Bhokay admi ka kissee ethic or morality see waasta khutum ho jata hai.
Asif Chishti

Much needed education for youth like us but right channel need to be decided…..i think time has come that we educate youth to avoid any unwilling consequences…..by da way very sensitive topic to speak on….
NASAH

Folks folks take it easy — what Mr. Malick is discussing in this blog is nothing exceptional — it is everywhere — from Europe to Asia from North America to South America — from Africa to Siberia — Pakistan is no exception– it is part of the of the human society since ancient days — the difference between Pakistan and the western countries is that the West is open about it — educates against these practices — the Pakistanis hide it with Islamic jargon of self piety and holier than thou attitudes.

It is good sign that people like Malick have started to talk about it openly — when Pakistan becomes more mature educationally, culturally psychologically AND economically — it will be be able to deal with these scourges in its society more effectively and openly.
silent observer

salman…..i totally dis agree with u……. u just cant not let the children be spoiled by the the outsider…and u do not dare to teach them techniques to about any harm to them…a wel as the rate of rape is concern….u might look into ur counteries escort level…..do u even know why pakistan is being called as pornistan…..
syed hussain

I agree partially with the writer. I think the sexual education should be taught by parents because they can better understand the psycho of their kids than any outsider or teacher. Instead of discussing such topics more publicly, parents should play their role because this discussion would not only end up on how we deal with emotional and physical changes caused by puberty but it might continue and later it might be difficult to decide that which topic about sexuality should be discussed openly and which should not.
Secondly we should strongly condemn such acts of media channels like Samaa TV. A free media does not mean, a free interference into people’s life. Why these channels don’t ever show the real faces of these anchors who want to be famous by humiliating and insulting common people. They don’t have a licence to play with the self respects of people.
M M Bashir Saani

Non availibility of institution of sex education is not the problem in our country, Sex abuse is the main problem that is due to some negative social, cultural customs and deteriorated economic structure under the curropt political system in our country. After all of this our family ties are still be recognised and merits on top of the ethic, norms and behaviors. No doubt sex educaiton should be given to our children under our own social, religious and cultural environment strictly considering there proper age groups. But it is only possible first we develop our peoples prosperious, satisfied from all unwanted worries, agonies etc. In the present environment such educatons will be detoriating and more dangerous to our future generation as the sex is the foundation of the birth of the next generation.
NaDEEM

Harasment is more in media then in any other walk of work, so many thing happening i seen in our basic institutions and private area, sex is every body personal matter, with internet every body knows Islamic point of doing it and their natural need of it.

Thats why marriages where happening in small age in early days of Islam, now its considered as crime or made crime on channels
Cool335

I talk to him when I’m lonesome like; and I’m sure he understands.
When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands;
Then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught there at.
For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that. i rather have dog as freind then human being

Let’s talk dirty

Mohammad Malick

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